A Hidden Truth and a Lost Hope
by AChancetoEscape
Summary: Harry knew the truth since he was young, but he gave up. It is only up to his father, Snape to save his unknown son as he enters Harry's past. However time is not the only thing lost. PostOotP Severitus fic but not a challenge. Warnings inside.
1. Chapter 1: Dwindling Hope

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it is not mine. Everything else is my plot or you just forgot about some characters that aren't mine.

Warnings: Abusive Durselys, Suicide thoughts/attempts, OOCness, semi-canon book PS/SS-GoF, AU around OotP and AU around main concepts. Not Severitius challenge, just the father thing remains. Don't like, don't read.

Chapter 1: Dwindling Hope

Fifth year at Hogwarts was coming to end. Students wander freely down the halls. They had nothing on their minds but freedom. Freedom from homework. Freedom from Umbridge. Freedom from Inquisitorial Squad. In general, freedom from stress. All but for one student, and of course that was Harry Potter.

There was no freedom from homework, as he knew he had to prepare for that damn prophecy.

There was no freedom Umbridge, as the "I must not tell lies" can concur to that.

There was no freedom from Inquisitorial Squad, they were nothing compared to the Death Eaters.

And freedom stress? Never.

Parents dead. Fellow student dead. Now Sirius adds to the growing list.

Harry could never understand why he had to be the one to deal with all this. Why was he chosen for the prophecy? As if the fact that everyone and anyone that could love him had died wasn't enough. Call him selfish, but all he wanted was a break. Maybe this moment of watching the sun set on the lake was all he would get. Although the tranquility was only for so long. What was the point of life when it will end so soon.

Yes, life.

He would admit he has toyed with the idea of the point of life. Especially before Hogwarts, when all he had was the Durselys and no hint of an escape. He couldn't give a precise age when it started. Harry always knew about death. How could he not? With his aunt and uncle always blaming how death, and sometimes Harry himself, cause them to take in their orphan nephew. Although it took a few years to learn exactly how one can accomplish death.

But then an escape was shown. And it wasn't the Hogwarts letter.

It was letter from his own mother.

A woman who at that point he never seen or never knew about anything of her. At the age 8, he got his first piece of physical evidence (besides Harry himself of course) that his mom lived. Even at 15 he still remember when he first read that letter and all the hope it gave.

*Flashback*

Little Harry dried his tears falling from his face, his own fist stuffed in his mouth to stop the snuffling of crying so his uncle wouldn't hear him from his cupboard. It was Halloween and the Durselys had better things to do. As he turned to hopefully sleep of another place on his shabby mattress, was a letter.

He never received mail before. Even on Valentines at school, the kids were too scared of him to give him one. Or more like scared of Dudley. Still when the teachers gave pity on him, Dudley or Uncle Vernon always took it away from him before he could even read it.

But now there was a clean cream envelope with "Harry Potter" titled perfect penmanship sitting right on his bed.

It took a few moments before his legs registered to move and pick it up. Pain on his arms from earlier punishment forgotten. All that matter was that letter.

Grabbing it as if it would disappear if rushed, Harry carefully opened the seal and take out the letter.

He adjusted his cheap glasses, wiped the last bit of tears from his face and began to read.

_To my Harry,_

_My son._

With just five letters Harry collapsed to his bed. It was from his parent. He quickly read to the bottom to see who. It was his mother.

His breaths at this point were ragged and difficult. He slowly calmed himself down and began to read again.

_My son. My only boy. I hope you shall never read this. That you will be safe and let us watch you grow up and become a fine man that I know you will be. But life can't always be what we hope. And at times as of now, any life can end in a moment's notice. So if you read this, than mine and your father's life is taken. _

_First off, we love you._

_No matter where we are we love you. I love you. You are my love and my life, even you being at the age of one as I write this. You are what gives me life, my Harry._

_Now, to the reason why you read this and I not tell you in person. Or at least how. I don't know how exactly I died but it will most likely come from a horrible man that threatens our world. Yes, our world, the world of magic._

'Magic? What? It does not exist' thought Harry.

_Hopefully this will not be a surprise to you as your life with your godfather_

'Okay, too weird... I don't have a godfather…do I?' Harry shook his head. He would save his questions till the end and just read.

_but again, life isn't what we hope to be. So if by a slim chance you don't, yes magic is real. But I do truly hope you live at least within our world. You are loved dearly by many._

_I won't go into the exact procedure how but in case of our death a letter is sent exactly 7 years after our death. Which hopefully makes you at minimum age of 11 and meaning entering Hogwarts or already._

'Hogwarts…no finish letter first' Harry patronized himself.

_This will give you a chance to meet your father, as he said he will mostly like teach Potions there at one point._

'WHAT? No, read.'

_Your father is Severus Snape. Not James Potter. Well, sorta of._

_It is hard for me to explain how and why but you deserve for me try the best to. But you must understand I love James dearly. However, Severus was my first love and in a moment of rush we had you._

_But he did not know. _

_I was only a month pregnant and married to Sev, right out of Hogwarts, when the unthinkable happened. It started with a huge fight between us and eventually lead us living separate. Eventually your father took up the Dark Mark. _

'A what…no…not now.'

_I am not going to justify why or how, for that is his story, but Severus is a good man._

_However, I would not let my son be raised by one of them. So I left Sev. It was not one of my highest moments but I went into the arms of my best friend; James Potter. I told him everything. He was the only one who knew of our marriage and my pregnancy. James tried at first for me to go and talk to Severus but I wouldn't listen. Eventually we came up with a plan._

_We would freeze my pregnancy for a month by some complicated charms, than we would wed and then re-start the pregnancy making everyone believe you were James'._

_Of course, Severus was beyond furious at this. There were a few moments I wanted to explain to him why and how but it was too late. He left for good and I never saw him again._

_I cried for hours, and James held and comforted me. He was a mix between a brother, a best friend and a husband. I did not love him like I did Sev, but I did love James. And that was enough._

_Once you were born we agreed for you take a Blood Adoption Potion to have both James' and Severus' traits, and people would only see James in it. I am not sure how strong James' traits are but the potion might wear down with time._

_No matter genetically or not, James is in all ways that count your father. He loves you just as if you are his own, and you are his own._

_Severus would and will too, once he learns the truth._

_Which is why I have another letter for you to give to him. But be patient, my son. He has most likely turn into a hard man, but give him time. He will explain the rest._

_I love you. So much._

_Be brave. Be strong._

_Love your mother,_

_Lily Potter._

_PS- I ask you not tell anyone about this before Severus, let him be the first to learn. He has that right._

*End Flashback*

And that was it.

A letter from his mother.

It took him for a few hours to process it all. Harry had tons of questions but he could not ask any to his aunt. He shuddered at thought of not only asking a question but bringing up his parents. However, he would wait to he is 11 or whenever he got to that Hogwarts place to meet his father.

There was his hope.

A year after the letter, Harry was cleaning out the attic when he found about 20 textbooks. They were not your ones such as Science or Math but of Potions, Charms and Transfiguration. He of coursed heard the words "potion" and "charm" from his mother letter that he knew by heart. Opening up the books he found writing in the columns very similar to his mothers. They were her school books.

Once the precious items were safely in his cupboard he began to read and study them. Especially Potions since it was his father's subject. And he loved everything about it.

He loved science and cooking as already and this combine both. It was amazing! Harry saw this as his passion.

The books that seem for beginners were hard to grasp at first but he eventually got it. After year 4 though he had to stop. It got way too complicated without a teacher, another reason why he was excited for Hogwarts.

Now, Harry chuckles at his young naive of potions and education. He stilled loved knowledge but quickly learned he could not show it.

*Flashback*

Hogwarts was amazing. It was beyond amazing. Harry could not believe how much he already fell in love with this place. Gaining his first friend, sorted into Gryffindor, seeing his father, all in a day.

He kept to his mother's request and told no one about his true parentage. He played dumb with Hagrid about magic and Hogwarts. But how he learned how they actually died and his fame, well that was a true shock. Something he wished wasn't true. Why should he be in fame for his parents' death? Well at least now, he had chance to meet his father.

He decided to tell him after Potions class and give him the letter.

~skip to Potion class~ (most of it is taken from PS/SS, which I don't own but is slight different)

Potions lessons took place down in one of the dungeons. It was colder here than up in the main castle, and would have been quite creepy enough without the pickled animals floating in glass jars all around the walls.

However, Harry thought it was a comfort. It was an escape from all the noise Hogwarts brings. Just like his cupboard for the Durselys' house.

His father, like Flitwick, started the class by taking the roll call, and like Flitwick, he paused at Harry's name.

"Ah, Yes," he said softly, "Harry Potter. Our new — celebrity."

Draco Malfoy and his friends Crabbe and Goyle sniggered behind their hands. Snape finished calling the names and looked up at the class. His eyes were black like Hagrid's, but they had none of Hagrid's warmth.

They were cold and empty and made you think of dark tunnels.

His mother did warn him that his father came into a hard man.

"You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potionmaking," he began. He spoke in barely more than a whisper, but they caught every word — like Professor McGonagall, Snape had the gift of keeping a class silent without effort.

"As there is little foolish wand-waving here, many of you will hardly believe this is magic. I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses… I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death — if you aren't as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach."

Harry had to admit this was a good speech. It was harsh but it showed a bit of light of why Potions was so amazing; the ability to create whatever is needed. However it also had the potential to go terribly wrong.

"Potter!" said Snape suddenly. "What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"

"Draught of Living Death, sir." instantly fell off Harry's lip, ready to prove himself in front of his father.

Snape looked shocked. As long with the rest of the class. Ron gave him an odd look of doubt, and Hermione couldn't believe he knew the answer too.

"Think fame isn't enough, Potter? Think you can show up in this class and be the top shot by read a chapter in your book? You want to play this game, tell me where would you look "if I told you to find me a bezoar?"

"In nature or to purchase one, sir?" asked Harry honestly. He knew enough of the trouble of a question that could be manipulated so there are possible answers.

"I will have none of your impudence!"

Harry forced himself to keep loo king straight into those cold eyes belonging to his father as he answered "In nature it will be in a stomach of a goat and either at apothecary store to purchase or some in the student's cupboards."

He remember reading it in _One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi._

Apparently that was not enough, as Snape continued to drill him, "What is the difference, Potter, between monkshood and wolfsbane?"

"Monkshood and wolfsbane are the same plant, which also goes by the name of aconite," answered Harry. He hope this would give him some praise as it was only briefly in the third year Potions book.

The class was still silent, looking between the professor and Harry. As Snape had an odd twitch in his eye and Harry had an odd mix of hopeful and scared expression on his face.

"Well? Why aren't you all copying that down?" barked Snape.

There was a sudden rummaging for quills and parchment. Over the noise, Snape said, "And 15 points will be taken from Gryffindor House for your cheek, Potter."

Once the bell rang, everyone quickly gathered their bags and headed for the door. Harry slowly packed his bag and signaled Ron to go ahead of him.

Ron just gave him a curious look and shrugged and left.

In his hand was the letter. A small smile creeps onto his face. Now was the moment what he wanted more than anything: a chance of a family.

Harry approach the desk, were his father had his head down, sneering at some papers. He tries to breathe and forget about how Snape treated him earlier. After all, his father did not know the truth and Harry was the son out of his broken marriage.

"P-Professor?" stuttered Harry

His father looked up and glared at him. "What do you want, Potter."

Again, the 'Potter' was mocked.

"I wanted…"

"You wanted to get your points from Gryffindor back?" cut offed Snape "I will again remind you that you and your celebrity status have no bearing here. You are just an arrogant brat, like your father, and it is only first day of class."

"No, it was not that…"

"Get out of my sight, Potter. I have no time for you nor will I ever. I have to bear with you for 5 hours a week for the next 7 years; I in no chance want a minute more to be in your insufferable presence. Now leave!" barked the last part by his father.

Harry scampered off to the hall, grabbing his bag and letter and did not look back.

He kept running into the dungeons until he was in an empty hallway.

He had no class to attend, so he had time to breathe and stop the tears escaping. He was no baby.

But his main reason to be alive for last 3 years vanished. It was gone.

His father wanted nothing to do with him

Yes, Harry might be thought as James Potter's son but Snape should at least the chance to hear him out and not judge him without any knowledge of Harry personally.

Harry would not give up. He will try again.

So Harry stood up, chin held high and promised he would give it all he got.

*End Flashback*

15 year-old Harry at this point had to have a good laugh at this.

But it was a sad laugh.

One that sang of hopelessness and despair.

He did try, and oh he did. But every time, his father shot down any confidence he spent so hard trying to rebuild.

After a while, there was no point. Harry tried for three years, but was all worthless. He no longer thought of Snape as father. James was his only father.

Luckily that year he met Sirius, and his hope stayed alive.

But his parents were dead and now Sirius is dead. A chance relationship with Snape was long dead.

Harry was alone and had no family.

Therefore he had no point of living.

AN: So Hi! First fic, hope you like. Idea came to me when I tried to sleep and couldn't help to write it. Probably not best time since school starts, but oh well.

Yes there was Au parts (but that is point to write our own version of a story), and characters are OOC, not a lot of talking in chapter and any dialog from PS/SS is of course JK Rowling's.

"Be brave. Be strong." Yes, I know is from HP7p2 but I loved that line so much so I am sorta of borrowing it. Sorry!

Can end there as a depressing one-shot, but I have a chapter typed so up to you guys.

No beta, if one wants to be one let me know by a review, otherwise all errors are my own.

Please review, it would be much love but mainly hope you enjoy this beginning of a fic or one-shot!


	2. Chapter 2: Revelations All Around

Disclaimer and Warnings are found in first Chapter.

Chapter 2: Revelations All Around

Despite what Snape, Malfoy, Ron or Hermione would say, Harry was skilled with potions. But after a first day like that, who would continue to try and succeed in the class? Well maybe Hermione and some Ravenclaws, but Harry were not them. He had survival instincts or behaviors learned from Durselys.

He knew to live you must show what others want to see. Therefore no fuss and less hate on your side.

Parseltounge was not the only reason why Sorting Hat thought Slytherin after all.

Harry studied on his own time, reading when no one saw. That usually meant when he woke up from a nightmare. Harry kept marks just allowing him to pass potions, he never tried harder than that. Why should he when Snape or Malfoy would mess it up? Only time he did was for OWLs, and he fairly was sure he did pretty good.

When he goes to Diagon Alley, Harry would sneak off and by the necessary ingredients and then steal some from students' stores in the classroom. He only bought/took what is necessary for healing solutions. There was a cause for why Madam Pompfrey did not see any scars, beside his obvious one, in the first year. His important potions were hidden either under the floorboard in his room during summer or in his trunk by a Parseltounge lock. His mom did have some pretty good Charms textbooks.

No one knew about them, not even Ron or Hermione. It was hard in the first couple years to hide, they were hip to hip. Golden Trio as called. But now, they drifted. They were still his best friends, no doubt. However, Ron and Hermione got much closer throughout the year. Probably from hanging out by themselves more often as Harry had detentions, Occlumency and DA lessons to plan.

He did not mind their relationship; in fact it was about time. Although, there was a small part of him that needed that love from his friends, now more than ever. Harry will never voice his thoughts. They were his troubles to bear, and his alone.

So for the fourth time this week Harry sat in a secluded corner in the dungeons. It was his own place. He found it after that first disastrous potions class in his first year. No one came this way, and it was calm, quiet and almost peaceful.

Ironic, in his opinion, a place so close to Snape's was considered peaceful. Maybe because of the parentage…

No, Harry stop that train of thought right there. He avoided thinking of Snape that way. It caused too much pain of the plain cold rejection.

Harry had to give a lot of skill to hide the secret from Snape in the Occlumenary lessons. Best solution was to deny it and no think about it.

And another of his hidden skills were in his hand; a potion that he made. He actually brewed it almost a year ago, right after Cedric's death. It took a whole month to complete but there was time to do so during his summer.

The potion was pretty simple. It was rightfully named _Se Vita Privare, _meaning suicide in Latin.

What made it different from all the thousands of other killing potions was that it had no antidote. No matter how skilled a Potion Master or Healer was, there was no way to stop it once a vial was swallowed. It only took 5 minutes for full affects. The reason why not many people took it was one; the ingredients were costly, the time to brew was long and difficult, patience was required and if messed up it could go terribly wrong.

The person would still die, in matter of speaking. Depending on what went wrong the results could range from living in a limbo for life to something equivalent to a Demantor's kiss. High risk for a simple result.

One could ask why not just do Avada Kedavra to oneself, well Unforgivable curses were rumored to damn one's soul and two it was much easier to swallow a potion than mutter that curse.

Harry might be in Gryffindor but he did not have that bravery.

So in front of him in this dimly lit hall were three items: the potion, his mother's letter and his will.

The potion need for obvious reason.

His mom's letter gave him the only love he could feel and had also Snape's letter attach to it. Harry nor Snape ever read it, but hopefully after tonight Harry will display the courage to finally grab Snape's attention. Despite what Snape said earlier today.

The will gave everything of his away. Invisibility cloak and books (which he actually had a lot of) for Hermionie, Firebolt for Ron, 50% of his vault to Weasleys, 35% to Lupin and 15% to help any broken families from the war. It was the least he could do, after all he was selfishly taking away the only way for Voldemort to die. But screw the prophecy. It was his life and for once and last act he would take control.

And then there were the letters. He gave his last plead for Snape to read the letter. He stated how he knew what he was doing selfish, arrogant and attention seeking but he just wanted peace. And if the only way he could get it, then so be it.

The will was simple, short and precise. A first in Harry's life.

There were no sounds besides his heart. He wonder if anyone would feel that exact moment his heart stop. There were those sayings that a parent feels when their child dies even before they are told. He let himself think as Snape as his father. The rejection that he normally feels will be ending soon, anyways.

Might as well get lost in the fantasy of what could be.

How if he was safe none of the terrible events at Hogwarts would occur.

How if he trusted an adult the Dursleys treatment would be no more.

How if his heart had experience love and safety so many deaths would be prevented.

How if his father loved him and accepted him, death would never be in the forefront of his mind as it is now.

He gave the vial a quick toast to no one, which was suiting but was also needed. A toast to life and death as they finally have out beat him.

Harry tip back the vial and swallowed.

* * *

><p>Severus Snape was beyond fury. Beyond rage. Beyond disgust.<p>

All because of stupid Golden Boy.

He would get himself lost on The Last Day of school. Tell his sidekicks he was just going to enjoy the last moment at Hogwarts by himself. But that was almost 18 hours ago. Students were all home leaving the whole staff was in panic to find the Boy-Who-Lived at 2 am in the morning.

Snape had better things to do then go looking for Mr. Arrogant. If Potter wanted to get lost and depress himself with his godfather's death, then so be it.

Mention of Black's death did give him a slight twinge of guilt. Potter did already loose his parents and now his mutt that he adored. Even he didn't deserve the words Snape yelled at him earlier that day.

*Flashback*

Snape had to find that book for that new potion the Dark Lord demanded. And by demand means going through several Cruciatus curses only few hours ago. Normally, Severus never went into the school's library as his own was big enough and carried the necessary dark or potion books for whatever needed. However his favorite ingredients book was destroyed from a potion that he was developing and apparently a drop plus paper gives fire. A reaction he studied thoroughly later, but at the cost of his book.

No time to go purchase a new one, the library had to make do. Then he found what he least wanted: Potter sulking in the library.

He just sat there. Holding a book but not reading the pages. Severus couldn't read the title from his angel but he guessed it was a book for homework that Potter was trying to finish and get turn in, even if it was the last of school. Maybe he would use the dog's death as an excuse for not finishing.

Okay, that was harsh. But Snape was in a foul mood as is. And it is not like his normal personality is full of sympathy. There was no reason, especially after what Lily did…no, there was no reason to dwell on that betrayal.

Snape steered towards Potter in now even worst (if possible) mood to tell the brat off.

"The point of a book, Potter, is often to actually read the words. That is how you learn. You will be amazed what that gives you."

Potter did not reply.

Snape just continue, "What, no quick come-back? Or is the mutt's death just too hard for you process simple English language?"

There was a brief flash of emotion in boy's eyes but still no answer.

"Your belief that world abides to your emotions continue to astonish me. Why Black risked his life for your _safety_ is something I will never understand."

"Don't you do that already for me? Sir" coldly asked Harry.

"You foolish boy, I do it for the cause not you. You think we all do what we do for you? No, everyone does it for the hope to end this war, not your safety. Even your parents," disdainfully said Severus. Hurt was easily shown on Harry's face, but he wasn't through. "I know I would dread to be a parent of such a selfish boy. Most likely kill myself at that though."

Now an emotion of recognition flicked through Potter's eyes. Snape caught it quickly and latched on to it.

"Ahh, so thought of your death, have you Potter?" At this Snape's professor instincts tried to kick in. Not only does he know about his experience but he has seen enough cases in Slytherins and sometimes Ravenclaws to know about thought of suicide. He luckily stop all of them before they occur, so he can happily state there has never been a suicide in his years of teaching at Hogwarts. However, never the thought goes through a Gryffindor's mind. They are too _brave_ or have too much _pride_ to do such thing. So Snape knew this was just another Potter trick for attention.

"Thought about who will attend your funeral have you? What the press will say, because the Muggle saying is 'all news is good news', right? Must be your life motto. Wondering if I will feel remorse for all things I said about you. Well I can answer that question for you right now, no. Because everything I said is true and I will never weep over your act of attention by suicide."

At this Snape left with a curt exit and his robes billowing behind, potion book forgotten.

*End Flashback*

Recalling the library incident gave an added haste to the professor's step.

'He wouldn't…' he asked himself.

Finally entering the forgotten dungeons, Snape saw a lone dark silhouette of a boy sitting down against the wall. If life didn't get enough of a laugh, it was the exact place he sat when he needed to escape the pressures of a Death Eater, spy, Umbridge, the Order, students, the Order, Dark Lord, Lily, etc.

'Just asleep. All the attention for nothing' mused Severus, but his gut told him something was terribly wrong.

With a quick Lumos he saw two envelopes near the boy, but what stopped his heart was the empty vial on the ground near the boy.

Snape ran the last steps and summon the vial while shaking the boy at the same time.

The vial had a light smell of copper mix with nickel undertone. Also a faint hint of cotton. The Potion Master quickly figured out the potion. It was not his stalks but he knew it. The cotton was a tad too strong than it should be, but it was without a doubt it was _Se Vita Privare_.

The questions of how, why, when swarmed Severus' head but he blocked it off. If that cotton smell showed the potion was wrong than the boy might be in something worse than death.

He quickly checked a pulse.

5 seconds pass.

Than 10.

At the minute mark he felt the lightest thump. Not sure if it was his own pulse, waved his wand and showed Harry was alive. But just.

He was unconscious and in a coma state.

The question of his sanity and soul remained.

Snape gathered the boy in his arms, too light for a 5th year boy should be. Shoving another question from his mind, he picked up the parchments and vial stuffed in his robe's pocket and appreated to the Infirmity. It was one of the advantages of being a Head of House.

3 hours later

Soon as they arrived to the Hospital Wing and explain the situation, Severus and Poppy found no solution. The search was called off. Potter lay in 'his' Infirmity bed, neither dead nor living. He was a coma state. Not in a limbo, thankfully, as that would mean no heartbeat and dead. But this was still bad. Nor soulless as he would be awake and semi-functioning.

There was nothing they could do. If Potter wanted to be back in the realms of reality that was his choice. The effects of _Se Vita Privare_ is not study often and Pompfrey and Snape had limited knowledge, and neither dealt with a case before.

So they just waited.

Dumbledore and McGonagall already came by. Both looked ten years older when the situation was explained.

Dumbledore's eyes were almost gray, no twinkle apparent. Only guilt, grief and sadness flooded those eyes to the soul. Severus in all his years knowing the man personally has never once seen him lose his composure, but now he was shaking. Everyone knew Harry was his grandson in everything but blood. Even when Harry was little and Lily was alive, he called Albus "Grandda". Now that boy was lying on a bed not noticing that same man combing through Harry's hair.

McGonagall was in tears. She was simply crying and had nothing to stop her. She just held Harry's hand. There was nothing else she could do. And Severus knew that is what also killed her, she was a woman in control. But this was a situation beyond anyone's control and it was about one of her lions.

After 30 minutes, the pair left saying they had to inform the rest of the staff and necessary family and friends. However, Poppy clearly stated no one can enter until 7 am. There was no reason to worry everyone at this hour in the morning when nothing would change. Eventually the professors agreed and headed their ways to prepare arrangements.

Poppy left too, saying she couldn't see the boy like this and there was nothing to do. He was the most frequent patient here and she grew attached to him.

Thus, leaving Snape alone with the boy. He conjured a simple chair and moved it towards the only occupied bed in the wing.

He could think of nothing to say but yet thought of so many questions:

Why would Potter do this?

How could no one notice this?

Did I push him to lead this death?

Is there a solution?

And then some of his more minor questions:

How did he get the potion?

How did he even hear about it?

How long has he been planning this?

What went wrong in the potion?

That last question could actually help find the answer, but the vial was completely empty and he doubted they would find a steaming cauldron in the boy's dorm.

Snape tiredly rubbed his eyes and stuffed his hands in his pockets. There he found those two envelopes.

One stated: Will of Harry James Potter

Severus knew there was no point of trying to open it. The will was properly sealed therefore allowing it to only be open when the owner died. But Harry wasn't dead.

The other: To Sev

Not only the use of his name shocked him but it was in Lily's handwriting.

Lily.

Tentatively he opened it…

* * *

><p>He read the entire letter and for once Severus Tobais Snape was speechless.<p>

There were no words to express all the emotions flowing through his brain. But as he looked on to the boy only thing he could think of was: _My son._

Not James'. But his own.

Well yes both, but still Harry was originally his son.

Lily didn't betray him, Severus betrayed her. He never let her explain and instead threw out wife that was carrying _their_ baby. Luckily James had more sense than him and took care of her.

'Great another thing to be in debt with Potter' sneered Snape but it was without his usual effort. He couldn't hate the man who saved his true love's life.

Severus wanted to grasp the boy's face to feel if it was real but as hand went towards the child's head, but he backed out in the last minute and went in alternative direction and stroked Harry's hair.

Hair that seemed darker, thinner and straighter than he remember seeing for past 5 years.

Oh Merlin. The past 5 years he hated his son. Years he yelled, mocked and treated his own flesh and blood like dirt.

And Harry knew that his own father treated him like this. But why didn't he say anything?

Then all the attempts to have a discussion brought by Harry in his first three years replayed in his head. Along with Severus's words of telling him off.

What has he done?

He brought his _own son_ to death.

He was beyond a monster.

What can only be described as remorse filled his heart. A heart that was once frozen with hate but now melted at the sight of his son. Then clenched at the realization of the situation of the boy.

He had to have advice, and there is only one man he trusted: Dumbledore.

After explaining the revelations, moments of stuttering and trying to comprehend the newfound knowledge, Albus had a plan.

It was too dangerous for Harry and Severus sakes to tell anyone else the knowledge. Voldemort and Ministry certainly came to mind.

Harry had to be moved away from Hogwarts with discretion. No one could know. But the question was where. Had to be remote and virtually unknown because the treatment they had plan would leave the boy in a state beyond vulnerable. Their plan was to enter Harry's mind via Legilimency. If he was in a coma, they had to ease him out of his mind.

Severus assisted that Dumbledore was the one to enter but eventually Albus worn Snape down with his arguments of the fact he has already been in the boy's mind and Harry would need the comfort of his father.

At that last part, Snape was outrage.

"The boy hates me, with good reason. I would be the last person in his mind to comfort him."

"But yet, you are still his father. Harry already has lost every father figure in his life, but you. He needs you to finally fill that gap, my boy."

"There are many people who are better suited to fill in that position. Lupin, Mr. Weasley even yourself," protested the Potions Master.

"Ah, but my actions to protect the boy this year has only left him to distrust me beyond repair. And Remus is not the right mind to enter Harry's. And Arthur, well yes Harry is like a 7th son but he does not know how to handle the troubles that Harry has."

"And I do?" asked Snape in shock mixed with curiosity.

"Yes. Despite your past, you are his father. You know better than anyone the pressures of Tom and death. You are what he needs."

At this Severus just looked onto the boy, no his son, lying hopelessly on the bed. It was time to make up for the loss years of hate.

"I will do it," he whispered.

"I knew you would make the right choice, my boy," as a slight twinkle enter Dumbledore's once vacant eyes. "I think it is perhaps best we move him to your manor. It is off the map, wards are almost better than the ones here. Not to mention that it will give time for you two alone."

"What do we tell the others?"

"I say we keep this to ourselves. No one but Minerva, Poppy and ourselves know of Harry's condition. We will tell them that Harry is being moved to a safer location and tell the truth of your tempt to enter his mind to bring the boy out. No one must know."

"What about his sideki-friends?" He will start his amends by being nice to the boy.

The light in the headmaster's eyes went even brighter at this correction. "Mr. Weasley and Miss. Granger will be told Harry was found but he is moving to a location hidden as Tom tried to enter his mind."

"And the Dark Lord?"

"It is time for you to choose your duties as a spy or a father, Severus."

"What? The Order-"

"Harry is more important" cut off Albus, "And besides, the fact that Riddle is trusting you less and less is showing. You weren't even informed about the prophecy heist."

At this Snape had no argument.

"Give me time to think about it. But I will protect Pot-Harry with everything I have" promised Snape _'and not only for your sake Lily, but our son's'_ finished in his head.

After arguments between the mediwitch teamed up with Head of Gryffindor, the headmaster finally convinced them to allow Harry be moved to Severus' manor, along with the witches being sworn on their magic to not reveal Harry's location nor condition without Snape's consent.

Snape's manor was located in secluded area of England. No neighbors around, just the manor and its wards. The wards were a mixture of Albus and Severus' own design and the traditional ones from his mother's family, Princes. Only people allowed access was himself, Dumbledore and now Harry. The manor instantly recognized Harry as the Prince's heir and accepted the boy before Snape tuned the wards to.

The manor was a mansion. With all the pureblood glory of endless rooms and property. However, the professor could not stand the style so 6 years ago he remodeled it to be more modern and his type.

The size was the same but it no longer screamed "pureblood" with the classical Victorian marble and velvet.

The outer and inner design was simple but eloquent. Dark woods, green and surprisingly only a touch of black was the color pallet. It was done tastefully enough to seem as a warm serenity and not a torture chamber.

Harry was placed in the Heir's room, which automatically changed to fit the owner's needs. The room kept the modern of dark wood and even the green but it also had some gold intertwine as well. But overall, it match the rest of the manor.

'The boy was a Gryffindor after all' mused Snape as he sat next the bed holding the boy's hand. His son's hand.

With a gentle pat on the Potion Master's shoulder from Albus and a whisper "It is time", Snape was ready to enter the boy's mind as he muttered "Legilimence".

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><p>Thanks for the reviews: bunny109, GRandElusYon, chunmimie, Ivanova, LIGHTNSHADOWS, Zireael07 and that blank one<p> 


	3. Chapter 3: Feelings w a Mind Their Own

Disclaimer and warnings in the first chapter.

Chapter 3: Feelings with a Mind of Their Own

To Severus the surrounding was completely different from what he knew from the Occlumenary lessons. It felt empty and seemed to be as well. It seemed that he was standing middle of street but there was only one house. A house that seemed too perfect, as if it came off of one of those muggle magazines. One would think it was just an average house but when he saw the number "4" boldly printed on the front, he had a nagging feeling that this was Privet Drive. Why the boy chose this place was beyond him.

A coma state mind was different from the normal one, though.

There was nothing or no one here. Or so Snape thought.

"Sir?" a small voiced asked hesitantly behind him.

Snape quickly spun around and right before his eyes was a younger version of Harry Potter.

He seemed the age of maybe 6 or 7, hard to tell, but the child was definitely younger than the one that first entered Hogwarts all those years ago. He seemed about 105 cm (3' 5") and wearing a light tan jumper that was not only too big but seemed more as a rag along with jeans for trousers. The hair was messy with his bangs shagging over his fringe, hiding that same cursed scar. The hair would also seem it was browner and wavier than the current Potter. Glasses were still circled but had scotch tape holding the middle. Also the cheekbones of this child were much softer, even accounting for puberty. Making him seem as an exact replica of James Potter, more so than the Severus ever seeing Harry as.

"Who-o are you?" stumbled the young boy.

"Severus Snape"

That answer seem to be the key; after a moment of shock the boy flung himself to the man's waist, grasping him as if he was a lifeline. Breathing in deeply as to inhale and memorize his scent. Then he gasped "daddy".

With the combination of receiving a hug from his young son and that word, Snape stumbled to keep his knees from caving in. He did not know how to respond. Hesitantly he put his hand the child's shoulder. This made the boy look up at him. Emerald eyes sparkling with hope, happiness and…love.

Severus would admit he never seen Harry's eyes look like this before. It would almost seem as the student's eyes were dimmed down compared to his younger derision's eyes.

Now in front of him was his son with less time missing. But Snape knew this was just in the mind, time has passed and there was no way to get back. Severus must work to save the current Harry.

"You are Harry Potter?"

The boy just nodded.

"You know who I am?" asked Severus.

"Yes, I got mum's letter and I knew I would meet you. I knew it. No matter what the others said" smiled Harry with a hint of smugness.

"The others?"

At this Harry's eyes slightly lowered. "The older me-s".

Snape's brain sparked with hope, "Is there a 15 year-old you here?"

"Yes, but he doesn't like to be bothered. I don't know where he is at."

"Would someone else know?" inquired Severus.

"I don't know…" The child slowly backed away from the professor so now there was a large gap between the two "you are only for him, aren't you?"

Snape knew he had to answer the gently as possible as the boy might be the answer to how to get Potter back to reality. "He needs help. He is in a coma state and he needs to come back to reality, I am here to help him to do so." Rejection immediately showed on the boy's face. So Snape continued, "But if I am not mistaken, you two are one of the same. So if I am here for him, then I am here for you."

It was not a lie, just omission. However, Snape could not kid with himself but he was not a Slytherin's Head of House for nothing. Harry though seemed to accept it as he suddenly was happy again.

"Okie-dookie, let's find the others."

Harry held out his hand, and Severus uncertainly grasped it. Not sure what to do the next, the child led him to the house. As they stood next to the door, Harry looked up at the professor and said "Shh, be quiet. We don't want to Uncle Vernon to hear us."

Before he could even ask why he is hiding from his own uncle, the boy knocked and the door open by only a crack but another version of Potter peeped out of the opening.

This one seem older, probably 11 as he was wearing Hogwarts uniform. However the pristine clothing was now rumpled. There were holes and tears on the vest, shirt and trousers. His Gryffindor tie hanged loosely off his neck. Also blood mixed with dirt stains were scampered around the clothes. His face was not better off. There were a series of cuts and bruises painting the face.

And again, these Potters seemed able to cut Severus off before he could say a word.

"Harry! What are you doing here?" asked the 11 year old, glaring at the young child. Not even acknowledging Snape.

"It is about daddy-"

"What did I tell you about that man? He does not care. I will try but don't have your hopes us. I told you he hates us. We are spoiled and arrogant" interrupted the older Harry.

"But-"

Yet the child could never finish his sentence as a loud "BOY!" rocked the house. Both Harrys eyes widen at the noise. The old Harry grasp the child by the shoulder and quickly dragging him, and also unknowingly Snape, through the hall. He stopped in front of the cupboard, yanked the door open. Without a word, the young boy went inside, pulling Severus' hand along. Once inside, Hogwarts Harry whispered urgently "You know the drill. We will talk later" and shut the door, his footsteps could be heard as it went to the back of the house, leaving the pair alone in the dark.

"What is going on?" asked Severus, anger seeping through his tone as he was ignored by a Potter then dragged into a cupboard of all places, making him uncomfortably crouching on the floor.

"SHHH!" ordered the younger Harry.

"You better tell me what we are doing here and why the other Harry ignored me," demanded Snape but a slight quieter tone.

"He didn't ignore you," whisper the boy "He can't see you."

The professor raised his eyebrow at this in a way that obviously said "Explain."

"This Harry is almost 12, meaning he just came back from Hogwarts. Also meaning he met you. therefore he doesn't believe in you so he can't see you."

Oh. Dawning of comprehension hit Snape. It was crazy but in a way it made sense. This was Potter's mind and Severus entered as Harry's father, and only the younger Harry still believed there was a chance of a father within this man. But soon as Harry entered Hogwarts and met his so-called "father", all hope seemed to be gone.

"That does not explain, though, the state of that Potter and why we are in here."

"I think you will have your answer" replied Harry as light footsteps came closer to their hiding place.

The door suddenly opened, revealing that almost 12 year old Harry but just in even a worst state as a deep bruise began to form on his face. His eyes also seemed older and more tired if that was possible.

Quickly he gestured them, or to his knowledge, just Harry to follow him. He led them upstairs to the last door in the hall. One full of locks and seemed to have been slammed open many times as the hinges were unstable. They were ushered inside.

Older Harry pulled up the simple wooden chair with an uneven leg while young Harry sat on the bed. Severus feeling out of place just stood near the young Harry knowing that only he could see the professor.

"What are you doing here?" sighed older Harry.

"Never mind that," Snape was going to protest at that statement but the young Harry gave him a look and just continued, "Are you okay?"

"I'll live. That is what we do" ended with a dark, emotionless chuckle by the 11 year old.

"I can re-bandage your back" offered the boy.

"If…if you don't mind." At that Potter stood up and carefully took off his Hogwarts uniform, leaving him in only trousers. The site made Severus wanted to puke.

Wraps that had some old blood-stains were around the kid's chest. With a perfected skill the injured child unraveled the wraps showing his rib bones. But the bones were off.

They were not only easily counted but was sticking out in an odd angel.

Damn. Nearly half the ribs were either broken or bruised.

The young Harry ignore the undressing and kneeled to the floor where he open a loosen floorboard and brought out some more already used wraps. Then he stood up and began to re-wrap the older version of himself with a skill no child should have. It reminded Severus of himself.

"He was never this bad for me," mumbled younger Harry as he continued his task at hand. The 'he' being unnamed, but there was no need. Even Severus figured it out.

"Times have change. The situation has change. I have changed. But despite this and everything else, Hogwarts is worth it all" replied the 11 year old.

Severus still said nothing. He felt as if he was intrusion to a moment of a moment of comfort between these two, despite only half the party knew about him.

"Even with dad?" asked the boy as he stole a glance to the direction of the said man.

At these words, the injured Boy-Who-Lived collapsed on the desk chair as his torso was done being re-bandaged. He waved his hands for the younger boy stand in front of him. They were almost leveled with the younger one only slightly taller.

Soon as they were face to face, Harry looked right into his younger version and firmly stated "He is not the man I, we, hoped for. We knew he would not be Mr. Perfect but our dreams of actually having a family must end. What is the point of hope? It only a sedative to help ease the pain, but it will wear down eventually. Causing the pain to be ten times stronger." There was a slight pause from a speech that had knowledge and sadness beyond the years of a 1st year. "I promise to continue to try but I want you to give up on the idea of Severus Snape ever becoming our father."

That last statement set Severus off. He went to grasp the older Harry and explain, no ask forgiveness for his actions. As he tried to cup the boy's cheek, his hand just went through the face. It was like he was a ghost.

His chance to help this Harry was gone as that time had already passed.

The 8 year old just looked sad at his father's failed attempt knowing it was all because of a hope that is lost.

Harry mistaken the sorrow in the child's eyes for the words he said, so he gently lifted the chin up as in the gesture "keep your head up".

Snape was at lost to do. He wanted to stay and convince this boy that his father did lo-want to be there for him. But the logical part of his mind realized the effort would be frivolous as this was all in the mind and the real Harry was dying every second.

The professor gave a slight inclination of his head to the door, signaling they must leave. The young Harry gave a small nod in agreement.

"Where is the oldest of us?" asked the young one.

"Hiding as usual. Reliving his past. That is the point we are here after all. All of us."

"How come though? Isn't he supposed to be dead with _Se Vita Privare_ potion going wrong?"

"My guess from what I read from mum's books is that since it was a year ago it went wrong but since it was still brew correctly the result wasn't as horrible as it could be. Why all these questions?"

"If it is too late you to believe in our father, than I will try to convince him," he replied full of conviction.

'And that statement was actually the truth, for both of us', mused Snape.

"Good luck," chuckled the older Harry. "You'll need it. But you will probably also have to visit the others if you want to see him, but I might be wrong. His mind is unstable, who knows what will happen."

The young boy gave a quick hug to the 1st year. "Bye-bye, Harry."

"Goodbye Harry" Was said as if a long rehearsed joke that brought a faint smile to both people.

Once Harry and Snape left the room, the door behind them slammed shut. The noise echoing off the walls and left the pair alone in a deserted hall.

But they did not enter the Durselys' hallway.

Instead it was a plain hospital-white hallway. Going on forever to both their right and left sides. There was a black door with a silver doorknob every 5 feet on the wall.

Severus turned towards his son as the boy again hugged him.

"I am sorry he does believe in you, daddy, but I do," said Harry.

And like before, Snape's throat tightened at that word. But it was in a way that made feel he could not swallow all the happy emotions coursing through his mind.

"It is my fault, child. Not yours."

"Maybe we will have luck with the others," replied his son with hope.

"Others?"

"The other older me-s. That is what Harry saying back there. Your Harry is reliving his past causing all of us to be at his forefront of his mind. And that gives us this hallway with all the doors."

"So these doors are to different ages of himself or I guess yourself?"

"More or less. It is about _his_ feelings throughout his life."

"Are you normally here, Harry?"

"Me yes. I am the 'guardian' of his, our hope. Another reason why you can see me and I can go with you to see the other Harrys. The Harry you met earlier, no. This hall is normally bare all the doors are locked and the lights are dimmed so almost only the darkness you see. Especially lately."

"Why lately?" asked the Potions Master.

"I don't know. This is after all his mind. We might be the same person but we don't think the same."

"Wait, are you…are you real?"

The boy let a small giggle out at this question. Severus let it slide. It was a childishly worded if you think about it.

"You know better than anyone that the mind is a complicated place. I am merely a perception of what Harry was like at my age; 8. I know everything the most current Harry knows but I feel the Harry as he was at 8. That is why I am the 'guardian' of hope. I am the one who has the most of it."

"Why at your age specifically?"

"Because I just read mum's letter. I have hope for the future with a family. A future with you."

"The others don't?"

"Time causes one to lose faith. Especially after going to Hogwarts." The boy gave a pointed glare at his father during the last sentence.

"I am sorry, my s-son."

The 8 year-old persona came back, "I know daddy. I still love you."

"And, I…I you."

The boy's face lit with joy even though Severus stumbled over his words. Never had he such hard time speaking and finding the words.

"Where do you suggest we go next, Harry?"

"I don't know. These doors have no rhyme or reason to me as they constantly change to suit whatever is needed. Your Harry can be in any of these doors or none at all. Like what the other Harry said: his mind is unstable."

"So are we suggesting we pick a random door and hope it is the right one?" said Severus skeptically.

"Yes," answered sincerely by Harry. "Just feel a door that "calls" to you. It will feel right."

The professor raised his eyebrows at this.

"I know it sounds crazy," continued his son, "But is this what you thought Harry Potter's mind to be like?"

"If you asked me that three days ago I would have answered it would be an empty pit. A lot has changed since then. If accepting Harry Potter is my son since then, I am open to almost anything."

"Alright then. Let's go!" cheered Harry.

However Severus was still frightened of what to come. Not because he is in Harry's mind but how Harry's mind will take him and what he will learn about his son.

Although, it has to be done if he ever wants a relationship with his son, yet alone keep him alive.

But still, if this is what only one year with meeting Snape caused, how do the older Harrys feel?

Harry went to grab his father's hand but in a way to show that Severus needed to direct them. Severus hesitantly began to walk down the endless hallway. Pausing every few minutes and just stood in front of the door. Harry would look up to his dad's face but Severus just gave a little shake of the head and continued on.

After a few occurrences of this, Severus stopped in front of another door but this time didn't shake is his head. He just stood there.

"This one, daddy?"

"Not sure…it feels different from the rest."

"How so?"

"I am not sure how to explain it but all I know is that whatever is behind this door is no Harry just doing homework."

"Should we go in then?"

"Should? I don't know. Must? Yes; we have to start somewhere."

Severus unknowingly took a deep breath then open the door.

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><p>Thanks for the reviews: <strong>Yamatta<strong> (thanks!), **xHP-Addictx** (I think shows I am writing more. Not sure if I want to include all of HBP and DH but some parts I will ;D), **wooftmnt** (I hope those were tears because the fic was good! Haha), **chuminie** (he was an a** but hopefully isn't now and hope for you to see why about the potion and legilimens), **meggySky** (I'll keep that in mind for next, thanks for the advice and review!), **Ivanova** (thanks for keeping up with it means a lot to me) **GalynSolo** (thank you), **St0keTheFurryWall** (hope this is one of your favorites!), **Elfwyn **(hope this is a different twist from others), **Zireael07 **(that blank one was for the anonymous reviewer who left no name, :P and well our Harry is "little" depress, but he isn't dead…yet ;D)


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